Using Your Child As a Messenger

    Once you're separated or divorced, one of your goals is probably to have as little contact with your ex as possible. But, there are still things you need to communicate about - when the child support is going to be paid, what time you'll be dropping the kids off, whether you can switch weekends, and so on. It's easy to see your child as a simple way to convey a message to the other parent. After all, you're thinking, if it helps me avoid a confrontation, it's got to be good, right?
    When you ask your child to be a messenger, you're unwittingly asking him or her to be the receptacle for emotional feedback from the other parent. When you have your child tell the other parent you need to change the schedule or remind him or her that the child support is due tomorrow, you're asking your child to send your message and then witness the other parent's reaction. And you know very well the other parent isn't going to just smile and accept whatever you've said. He or she is going to have some kind of reaction to it, no matter how subtle. Your child will interpret that reaction as being directed at him or her.
    Simply, do not, ever, ask your child to carry or convey a message to the other parent. Come tot the door or care yourself and talk to the other parent. Or call him or her later.  There are many other ways to make contact with the other person rather than through your child. Do whatever you have to do in order to get your child out of the line of fire.

Legal Action Workshop offers divorce services in Anaheim, California.